Why Me?
by Eks
Summary: April Margera goes to make a secret doctor's appointment to find out who's baby Jenn was carrying...Jess's or Bam's? CONTAINS SLASH
1. Chapter 1

Why Me?  
Chapter 1

April walked into the hospital. She was thinking about some things and she wanted to make sure of something. She walked up the the desk.

"Hi. Is there a Dr. Ralph here?" she asked.

"Yeah, do you have an appointment?"

"Yup, I'm April Margera."

"Okay, he's waiting for you in his office on the third floor." she said.

"Okay." Ape walked into the elevator and rode it up three floors.

She walked into his office.

"Hello, Mrs. Margera." Dr. Ralph said. "You wanted to do a test?"

"Yes. I wanted to make sure if Paul is really Jess's child and not Bam's."

"Okay. No worries, I'll set up an appointment to have it done. You have a good day now." April got up and walked out of the room. She got in her car and drove home. 


	2. Chapter 2

Why Me?  
Chapter 2

April pulled into the snakerun driveway. She saw Jess and Jenn playing with Paul.

"Hey, Ape!" Jess waved. April waved back and walked into the house. She put her stuff down and the phone rang. She ran over and picked it up.

A-Hello? D-May I speak to April Margera? A-Oh, this is she. D-Hello, this is Doctor Ralph. I have an appointment set up for you. A-Oh, thank you. What day? D-Tommorow, if you aren't busy. A-What time? D-10:00 AM A-Ok, thank you doctor. D-No problem. A-Have a good day! D-Bye.

April hung up the phone and picked a pen and wrote down the appointment in her book. She sighed. She was worried on how the tests would turn out. She sat down and turned on the tube when Phil walked in.

"Hey, Ape." he said, waddling himself to sit by her.

"Hey, Phil." she replied. He put his arm around her.

"You look anxious. What's up?"

"Um," April looked around, "well, I'm curious of something."

"What's that?"

"I called the doctor and set up an appointment for Paul to get some tests to see who his father was."

"Well, Jess is the dad, isn't he."

"Well, before that, Bam and Jenn were really intimate, you know?"

"That's true. But, how you gonna get Bam and Jess to take the test too? I mean, they have to, right?"

April hit her head with her hand. "God, I forgot about that. Can you tell them?"

"Sure. After dinner...which you should be getting ready to fix, eh?"

"Yeah, your right." April got up and walked to the kitchen and Phil went to go find Bam and Jess. 


	3. Chapter 3

Why Me?  
chapter 3

Phil saw Jess and yelled, "Jess, come here!" Jess came running over to his dad.

"Yeah, what's up?" he asked, catching his breath.

"Okay, this may sound sneaky but Ape is gonna take Paul to have some tests done and she needs you and Bam's DNA." Jess was startled.

"Why? What, she doesn't think this could be my kid? Okay, sure Kelly had a miscarrage but..." Jess stopped as he remembered what happened.

"Well, your mother just wants to make sure."

"Fine, I'll tell Bam." Jess sighed. He hated when he would just randomly find a way to talk about Kelly. He would start to ramble but he had to stop himself that time.

"Okay, I'll be inside. Bam's at the skatepark." Phil waddled away into the house. Jess walked back over to his soon-to-be wife. She took one look and was worried at his expression.

"What's wrong, babe?" she asked, picking up Paul and settling him on her hip.

"It's nothing, really."

Jenn frowned in a baby way. "You can tell me."

"No, seriously, I just gotta talk to Bam."

"Okay, fine then." Jenn walked off into the house to feed Paul. Jess followed but went upstairs to bang his heart out on the drums. 


	4. Chapter 4

Why Me?  
chapter 4

"Jess! Time for dinner!" April called. Jess ran downstairs. On the way to the kitchen, he passed Bam and Phil. He slowed down and listened.

"Bam, your mother wants to do tests for Paul's sake. She doesn't mean to be...well, mean."

"I know, Phil. But I wouldn't think it would be mine. I mean, he's obviously taken I liking to the drums now. I mean, when he watches me skateboard, he cries."

"Don't be like that Bam. Just go with Ape tommorow and just take your chances."

"Yeah, okay." Bam walked off to the dinner table. Jess followed behind him.

the next day

Jess held Paul in his arms and Bam walked with them. Ape waited in the car. They piled into the PT Cruiser and took off to the hospital.

On the way there Bam said, "Why do we have to do this, Ape?"

She sighed, "Bam, I'm really curious. Just go along with it, okay?" After this, Bam sat back in his seat and didn't talk on the rest of the way there.

20 minutes later, the four of them pulled into the parking lot. They got out, entered the hospital and rode the elevator up to the floor the doctor was on. 


	5. Chapter 5

Why Me?  
Chapter 5

Everyone walked in the doctor's office. He was smiling like always.

"Well, hello everyone." he said. Bam gave him a fake smile and sat down.

"Okay, so we want to see who's baby-"

"Oh, just get on with it!" Bam yelled.

"Bam-." April sighed. The doctor shot a strange look at Bam and went on.

"Now, Bam, would you like to go first?" Dr. Ralph asked.

"Yeah, sure, fine." Bam rolled his eyes and sat on the examining table. The doctor took out a needle and took some of Bam's blood.

"Yeah, Ape, can I wait in the car now?" Bam asked, rubbing his arm.

"Fine. We'll be out in a few." she said. Bam walked out and stood by the car.

"Okay, Jess, your turn." Jess walked up to the table and sat on it. The doctor took some of his blood. Jess flinched. He hated needles.

"Okay, all done." Jess opened his eyes.

"Paul's turn?" he asked.

"Yep. Put him right here." the doctor said, pointing at the smaller table. April sat him down.

"Paul, this won't hurt a bit." the doctor lied. He put the needle into him and Paul didn't scream at all. They were all surprised at this. When he was done, he said, "I'll

take these to the lab and we'll have the results by Monday.

"Okay, see ya later!" April said, waving.

"Thanks, I guess." Jess said. 


	6. Chapter 6

Why Me?  
Chapter 6

Jess and April walked out and saw Bam with his arms crossed, leaning against the car.

"Well, Mr. Grump. Let's go." Ape said, getting into the car. The two brothers got in and Ape sped off to Castle Bam.

7 days later

ring ring April ran over to pick up the phone. It was Monday and she had a feeling that it was the doctor calling.

A: Hello? Margera residence.  
D: Mrs. Margera? This is Doctor Ralph.  
A: Oh! Are the results in?  
D: Yes, they are. A: What are they?  
D: Well, Paul is Bam's child.  
A: Oh...he is?  
D: Why do you sound so dissapointed, he's your grandchild anyway!  
A: Yeah, I suppose I should be happy.  
D: Of course you should! If you have any questions, then you can make an appointment. Okay?  
A: Okay, Doctor. See you soon. D: Have a nice day.  
click

Ape put down the phone and put her hands up to her face. How was she gonna tell Bam? Bam wasn't very fond of kids.

'I have to do it.' she thought. Bam was outside with Raab and Dunn by the pool. They just pushed Dico in.

"Bam! I have to talk to you!" Ape yelled from the other end of the pool. She gulped and hoped he wouldn't get too mad.

"What?" he asked.

"I just got a call from the doctor. Jess isn't a father, you are." Bam's face brightened up.

"Really? I'm a dad?" He sounded excited.

"Bam, I thought you didn't like kids."

"Ape! Paul's my son, you have to love you're own kids, right?"

"Wow, Bam. You've learned a lot since you were 20 and said, 'Oh, I never want kids, kids suck ass.'" Bam lauhged.

"Well, that was 6 years ago. The only shitty thing is that I hate the name Paul."

"You have to talk to Jenn about that. You know, the mother." Bam's facial expressions went from happy to pissed.

"Why her?" he asked.

"You're the one who had sex with her, dumb ass." Raab said. He was standing behind them but obviously listening.

"You assie!" Ape said to Raab who started laughing.

"Well, Ape, I think you should tell Jenn. She's in the baby's room."

"Yeah, okay, fine, Bam." April rolled her eyes and went inside and down the hall. She opened the door to the baby's room. 


	7. Chapter 7

Why Me?  
Chapter 7

"Hey." Ape said. Jenn turned around.

"Oh, hi, Ape."

"Hey, Pauly-wauly!" Ape grabbed up her grandson and hugged him.

"So, what's up?"

"I guess I'll just plain say it...Jess isn't the father. Bam is."

"Whoa...what? How would you know?"

"Tests, Jenn. Tests."

"Oh yeah. I forgot about them. But why Bam?" 'Why me?' she thought.

"Do you want to talk to him?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess." April walked out of the room.

"Bam! Get in here!" April walked into the Pirate Bar to cook lunch once she saw Bam walking towards the room. Jenn was lying on the bed. Paul was in the crib, looking up with big blue eyes. Bam smiled at him and Paul started crying. Jenn shot up and then saw Bam.

"Oh."

"I'll do it." Bam walked over to his son but he started crying louder. Jenn rushed over to pick him up.

"God! What is wrong with me?" Bam asked.

"Paul doesn't know you. That's all."

"He knows me!"

"Not like he knows Jess."

"True. I have a question..."

"What?"

"Does his name have to be Paul?" Jenn rolled her eyes.

"We can change it. What do you want?"

"...Vince." Bam laughed.

"Hell no! How about Ely(ee-lye)?"

"You have a kid named Elle!"

"So?"

"What about Andy?"

"Nah."

"Ryan?"

"Ryan what?"

"Um...Ryan Vincent...I dunno!"

"Ryan...oh! I've got it! Ryan Andrew!"

"Ryan Andrew Margera...that's awesome! Call the people that change peoples names!" Jenn laughed.

"Okay, Bam." 


	8. Chapter 8

Why Me?  
Chapter 8

the next day

"Well, Ryan," Jenn said. Ryan didn't respond to them in any way. He still wasn't

used to his new name. "are you ready to tell Ape your new name?"

"Ah, just give him time." Bam told her.

"I know." Jenn hugged Ryan and kissed him on the head. They got into Jenn's

truck and drove to Castle Bam.

"Home sweet home." Bam said as Jenn pulled into his snakerun driveway. They

saw Jess standing there with his arms crossed.

"Hey, dude." Bam held out his hand for a high-five but Jess just stared into his

eyes. "What the fuck?" Bam looked past Jess and saw 5 bags of stuff next to the

front door.

"I'm moving out Bam. There's no use of living here, is there?"

"Your nephew!" Jenn replied. Jess gave her a look that told her to shut up. She

did.

"Jenn's right! You're gonna move and miss watching your nephew growing up?"

"Yeah. My heart has been broken too many times here in West Chester so I'm

moving to L.A."

"Why so far?"

"Damn it, Bam. You just don't get it." And with that, Jess grabbed his bags and

packed them into his black and red SUV(I don't know if that's his car or not. I

just made it up).

"He's serious." Bam said to Jenn. Jenn carried Ryan inside and sat him down next

to Dunn.

"So, what did you end up naming him?"

"Ha...Ryan Andrew."

"Shit, are you serious?"

"Yeah. Watch your twin for me would you?"

"Yeah...hey, he's not my twin!" Jenn had already left the room. Ryan stared at Dunn's beard. Dunn turned to watch tv and when he laughed, his beard would move. Ryan would start giggling and Dunn. Dunn tried to keep a straight face but couldn't help it. He started laughing with him.

A few minutes later, Bam and Jenn walked in. They stopped and looked at Ryan and Dunn laughing. They exchanged looks. Dunn saw them and stopped laughing.

"Uh, hey guys."

"Dude, you're creepy." Bam said, laughing. Jenn picked Ryan up and carried him to his room. 


	9. Chapter 9

Why Me?  
Chapter 9

Jenn lied down Ryan in his bed and turned around to find Bam right in front of her.

"Dude, don't scare me like that. Please." she said. She tried to walk away but Bam blocked her. "What?"

There was a silence then Bam said, "Nothing." He let her leave and he sat down on the bed and sighed. She had missed her, really. He lied back and closed his eyes and dreamed of Jenn and her blue eyes.

A few hours later, he woke up. Ape was calling them to come down to dinner. Everyone sat down when Novak asked, "So, where's Jess at?"

Bam and Jenn lowered their heads.

"What?" he asked them.

"He left." Jenn finally said.

"Yeah, obviously. Where'd he go is what I mean."

"No, he's gone. He went to L.A."

"He's moving back there and he's gonna try and work things out with Kelly." Bam added. Ape and Phil looked shocked.

"You two didn't know?" Jenn asked.

"Nope. Why'd he...oh." Ape realized why he left. "I'll be right back." She got up and started to call Jess's cell.

J: Hello?  
A: Jess-Jess?  
J: Oh, hey, Ape.  
A: Goin' to L.A?  
J: sighs Yeah, I've decided to try again with Kelly.  
A: Hun, it's been over a year. Do you think she'd really-  
J: I DON'T CARE! I just have to get out.  
A: taken aback Jess, calm down. J: I'm sorry, Ape.  
A: It's your life, Jess. I'm fine with it.  
J: Yeah, well, I have to go. My flight is boarding.  
A: Coming for Christmas?  
J: laughs Yeah, Ape. Night.  
A: Night.  
click 


	10. Chapter 10

Why Me?  
Chapter 10

Ape hung up the phone and walked back into the dining room. She sighed.

"What happened?" Dunn asked.

"Jess is on a flight to L.A. right now." she replied.

"Oh." Dunn went back to eating his chicken in silence. Novak didn't even bother to look up at Bam or Jenn. He stood up to go outside to smoke to get away from the akwardness in the room. Ryan started crying so Jenn went to check on him. Dico, Raab and Rake went to play pool so that left Bam, Ape, Phil, and Dunn at the table. Finally, Dunn went outside for some air. Ape and Phil sat there and talked. Bam wasn't paying any attention to them or the 3 guys playing pool and shouting random words. He finally decided to get up and talk to Novak. He walked out onto the deck and Novak turned to face him.

"'Sup?" he asked.

Bam sighed in the cold air, making his breath visible. "Nothin'."

"Cool." Novak took a drag and Bam sat down on the cold chair. Finally, after a few minutes, Novak turned and said, "Dude, I know something's wrong. I can tell." he put out his cigarette and sat down by Bam.

"I was just thinking..."

"About what?"

"Jenn and me. I don't know if it's gonna be the same since she was with Jess."

Novak sat up in his chair and payed attention as Bam told him what he was thinking.

"So, I'm starting to love her again but, it doesn't feel right." Bam finished.

"Well, I don't exactly know what to say cause I've never been in that situation so if I can cheer you up in any way, just tell me, okay?" Bam nodded and they both went back inside and started playing pool. Everyone had gone to bed. Bam got out some beer and they drank and played 5 games of pool. By that time, they were really, really drunk.

Novak swayed while trying to aim to hit the 8 ball in.

"Damn it, dude." he slurred. He pushed his stick foward and missed the winning ball completely and hit Bam's ball in. He stumbled over to Bam and ran into him.

"Oh, sorry, man." Bam said, trying to aim for the solid blue 2 ball. Novak watched in the chair as he mumbled to himself. Bam pulled Novak up by the shirt collar and sort of threw him to tell him it was his turn. Novak just bounced off the pool table and into Bam's arms. 


	11. Chapter 11

Why Me?  
Chapter 11

They were a little too drunk to realize what was going on. Bam's lips pressed up

against Novak's. They pulled away at first. Then, Novak went over to Bam and

kissed him. Bam wrapped his arms around Novak's body and he pulled him

down the stairs and past the Pirate Bar into Bam's room. They couldn't keep

their hands off each other. They stripped down to their boxers and...well, you

can figure out what happend. Finally, they were so drunk that they fell asleep in

each others arms.

the next morning

Bam opened his eyes and looked over at the clock. 7:30AM. 'What the fuck?' he

thought. He turned over and gasped. He saw Novak in his bed.

"Novak!" He shook his friend and woke him up.

"Dude? What?" Novak asked, groggily. Suddenly, Bam ran into the bathroom.

He was really hungover. A few minutes later, he went over to Novak.

"Dude, what happened last night?" he asked, yawning. Novak shrugged. Bam

went into the bathroom and brushed his teeth and got into the shower. When he got out, Novak was sitting on Bam's bed with his head in his hands. Bam rushed over to him.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I think I know what we did last night."

"Oh, God, what?"

"I have one question...why did I wake up in your bed?"

"Nah, we didn't...at least I don't think we did...did we?" Novak put his head back in his hands again.

"I think we did." he mumbled. Bam ran his hand through his hair.

"Oh, fuck. I think I'm remembering stuff...ugh. Ewww!" Bam shook his head as if to erase his thoughts.

"Eww?" Novak started to laugh. "I wasn't that bad, was I?" They both started laughing and then heard April call them to breakfast. They walked out of the bedroom and ate breakfast. Then, they got ready to film for Viva La Bam. They went over to State of Bam and filmed parts of the episode.

After they pushed Dunn's trailor into the water, they all went to bed, Novak and Bam sharing a camper. Bam pulled out some drinks out of his own little mini bar in the trailor and they shared a few...a few too many. 


	12. Chapter 12

Why Me?  
Chapter 12

Novak woke up in Bam's bed again. He groaned.

"Bam! What the hell?" He yelled to his buddy that was lying next to him in bed.

"Wha?" Bam shot up. A few minutes later, he realized what happened. He pulled the covers over his head and screamed into his pillow causing them both to laugh. Novak went back to his own bed and suddenly Dunn and the camera crew burst in the trailor.

"Dude, where's my fucking trailor?" Dunn asked.

"Raab did it." he replied. Novak snickered as Dunn walked out. A few minutes later, they both got out of bed and looked at each other.

'Wow...I didn't notice how blue his eyes were before...' Bam thought as he looked at Novak, slipping his jeans on.

'His body is so perfect...wow, I just noticed that.' Novak thought. Finally, Bam gathered up the courage and kissed Novak. They weren't drunk or high but they enjoyed it. Novak blushed. They walked out of the trailor and saw Dunn in his houseboat.

"You like it?" Bam yelled.

"It's a houseboat! Who has this?" Dunn yelled back. Bam turned to Novak.

"He fuckin' likes it." He turned back to Dunn. "Watch out for the leeches!"

"You're kidding about the leeches right?" The two of them left Dunn fishing. 


	13. Chapter 13

Why Me?  
Chapter 13

The next few days, they finished up filming for Viva La Bam and on the last day, they all got drunk at a bar, celebrating. Bam and Novak started for home in the Lambo. They stopped at a stoplight when Bam said, "I'm not going home."

"What? Where are we goin'?" Novak slurred. The light turned green and Bam turned left. They made a right and drove up the street to a hill. Bam stopped when they were at the top where they could see the bright stars. Bam pushed against his seat making it lie back. Novak got on top of him and started kissing his neck. Bam lifted up Novak's head and kissed him on the lips and licked his face a few times. After awhile, they went further and later, fell asleep in the car.

Bam woke up the next morning to his cell phone vibrating in his pocket. He picked it up and it was a frantic Ape.

B: Mmm, hello?  
A: BAM! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?  
B: holds phone away Ape, Novak and I got a room.  
A: Oh, okay. That was a good idea. Be home soon?  
B: yawns Yeah.  
A: Sorry to wake you up. Bye.  
B: Bye.  
click

Bam looked up and saw Novak sleeping on top of him. He kissed him on the forehead which woke him up. He looked down at Bam and smiled.

"Good morning, Life Partner." Novak yawned and nodded as if to say, 'good morning.' He slid back into his seat and tried to make his hair look better. Bam straigtened up his seat and started the car. They drove home.

As soon as they walked in, Dico got on their case.

"So...I heard you to got it on last night. Rake was jealous." he joked. Bam and Novak exchanged glances and laughed slightly. Rake heard Dico and started yelling at him. Then they all laughed harder.

"You're a fucking dildo, Dic." Rake said, stomping off. That left them laughing on the ground. Ape heard them and came in.

"Finally, you guys are home. Bam, you have a visitor." Ville jumped on Bam's back and messed with his hair. He got down and Bam hugged him. Novak looked jealous.

"Um," Novak started, "I'm gonna go take a shower...see ya." He ran up the stairs and shut the door. 


	14. Chapter 14

Why Me?  
Chapter 14

Novak walked into his bedroom and sat down on the bed.

'Why the hell is Mr. Awesome Rocker From Finland here?' he thought. He undressed and walked into the shower.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Bam showed Ville, Ryan.

"Aww, he's a cutie." Ville said.

"I know. And to think, we thought it was Jess's." They laughed and went back to the Pirate Bar to get something to snack on.

Upstairs, Novak was just getting out of the shower. He heard them laughing downstairs and got really jealous. Other than being jealous, he was really pissed so he opened his cd player and popped in CKY An Answer Can Be Found and turned on Behind the Screams. He got dressed and lied down on his bed, listening to the music. He listened to it for a few seconds and fell asleep.

A few minutes later, when Sniped was playing, Bam walked in, finding his friend asleep on the bed. He shut the door behind him and walked over and sat down on the opposite side of Novak. When he sat down, he turned the music to Suddenly Tragic, causing Novak to wake up. He turned over slightly and once he saw Bam there, he turned over the other way quickly.

"What?" Bam asked.

"Oh, why aren't you with Mr. Perfect? Hmm?" he asked. Bam rolled his eyes.

"I am." Novak automaticly smiled but realized what he was doing and that smile went away. He sat up and looked at Bam.

"He's downstairs, isn't he?"

"No, he's right here." Bam leaned over to kiss him but Novak backed away, making Bam turn red.

"That's not was it seems like, Bam."

"Babe-"

"Don't call me that." Bam suddenly grabbed Novak and hugged him tight and started crying on his shoulder. Novak then realized that he wasn't just saying that so he hugged him back.

Bam pulled away and kissed him. Novak blushed and pushed Bam down on the bed and got under the covers. They made out until the door opened.

"Bam? Bam-Bam...Oh. My. God." The dark skinny figure's jaw dropped.

THE END 


End file.
